So far in my life, I have had very bad luck in the romance department. I have fallen in love twice and once someone has fallen for me. In the first case (that I have actually written about before), the guy was straight. So that had never had a chance of becoming anything. In the second case, the guy simply said that “I am not his type”. Then there was the one guy who claimed to be in love with me. He was a nice enough guy and I was attracted to him, but I was in no way in love with him. In fact, I often found him to be very annoying.
This has left me feeling very pessimistic. Am I doomed to fall for guys that are unattainable? Will I always go for guys that are “out of my league”? Should I consider settling? If there is a guy that falls for me, should that be enough?
My greatest fear in life is ending up alone, never having had a loving relationship. So maybe that means I should compromise. I have been told that my view of love is “too Disney”. Could it be that my standards are too high and my dreams unrealistic? If that is the case, than I am simply setting myself up for a life of disappointment and failure.
There are days that I feel that it is an impossible dream and that I will never find the guy that loves me the same way I love him. I think to myself that in order to not end up alone, the next time I find someone that claims to love me, I should just stick with them even if I do not love him.
However, simply not being alone is not enough for me. I want a guy that when I look into his eyes, I see that he is looking lovingly back into my eyes. I want someone that I will be excited to come home to and that will miss me when we are apart. I don’t think this is impossible, but it definitely feels like it is impossible. Who knows? I hope the day will come that I will look back at this post and laugh about how pessimistic I was and how wrong I ended up being.