During our brief debate, my relative said, "people should be able to do whatever they want, they just shouldn't be able to shove it in my face". What I took this to at first was that LGBTQ people can do what they want, just don't hold hands/kiss/hug in public. However, I realized that my cousin was not just talking about LGBTQ people. He would prefer it if no one showed any signs of physical affection in public. He is not the first person I ever met that finds public displays of affection (PDA) uncomfortable, so I just dropped the subject.
The next day we were discussing movies. My cousin said that he highly recommends the new Quentin Tarantino movie, Django Unchained. I said that I do not like most Tarantino movies because I do not like gore for the sake of gore in movies. My cousin could not disagree more. He told me that he loves great action movies and that violence does not bother him. And just like my cousin, millions, upon millions love to go watch action movies full of gore and violence. I myself like a good action movie, or war movie if I think it is made well and has a good story. And just like my cousin, society at large has less of a problem with violence than they do with PDA. And when I thought about it like that, I became quite annoyed.
If a movie has a a scene where a bunch of people are shot, or blown up, it will get a PG-13 rating (meaning the movie is suited for 13 year old teens and up). If a movie has a minimal about of sexuality in it, it will be given a rating of R (meaning the movie is suited for 17 year old people and up). Why is it that violence and killing is less offensive to children and the public at large than love and sex? Why is is that America has a culture that guns are passed down from father to son, but many parents cannot accept that their teenagers and young adult children might be sexually active? Why is it that graphic slasher movies are main stream, but pornography is considered one of the most offensive things in society? Why is violence glorified and sex and love are shunned?
This is of course not a problem only in America. Most religions around the world are more lenient and accepting of violence than they are of sex and love. Judaism, Christianity and Islam have harsh regulations on sexuality and love, but all have many allowances for violence. The Torah (the Old Testament) for its part has allowances for war, genocide and slavery, but two men having sex is not tolerated. Islam stifles any sense of female sexuality and love (let alone homosexual sexuality and love), yet glories Muhammad's conquest's and massacres. These 3 religions that sadly lay at the base of much of the world's moral guidelines are quite twisted and have lead to twisted world views. We have to ask ourselves if we really want to live in a society that is more offended by two people kissing in public, or by a gay pride parade than by a man holding an M-16 assault rifle. If the answer is no, the next question is, how do we start changing society to one the glorifies love and admonishes violence.
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| If the picture on the left offends you more than the picture on the right, you might want to rethink your priorities. |
Hey - just stumbled on your blog from 20-something bloggers. Interesting point you bring up here and it annoys me too. If the argument was to live and let live, I don't see why someone's public display of affection should affect anyone but the people publicly displaying affection.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, the world is obsessed with violence. I guess people believe it makes for better stories, but I don't see why love can't cause the same reactions.
I;m so glad you came across my blog and thanks for commenting. I agree. I also do not get why those that say they want small government and that is why they need guns are also the people that say the government should stop me from getting married.
DeletePeople I find will twist their religious/political/philosophical beliefs to fit whatever feelings they might have at that moment about any subject.
i actually ironically enuf agree with you fully. i often have talks with him about his beliefs and esp the way he sees other people- he has obviously never seen you in a sitch of PDA, so i am speaking more about movies, tv etc. i feel like people can behave how they like, and esp our family members, we need to support their lives and whatever they want to do- we do not agree on everything, but still have a great marriage.
ReplyDeletei dont want to defend him, or speak on his behalf, bc i honestly dont know what his response is to what you've written.
i do know that at the end of the night, he told you that he was sorry if he offended you. i feel like he is just trying to wrap his head around it all, in light of your parents passing. he def isnt trying to be disrespectful to u. he loves you.
im blabbing, its normal to defend your husband, but i know what you're saying. sry ami!
Seriously, this was not meant as an attack on anyone, especially not Yitz. It was just an observation that the conversation lead me to.
DeleteAnd it is OK to disagree. Not everyone will agree with everyone. That is just life.
I agree.
ReplyDeleteI do find this dichotomy particularly strong in the United States. Canadian standards are slightly more accepting of nudity/sex, and slightly less of violence. Europeans are even more tolerant of nudity. [Since I'm a nerd, I bought an international selection of pregnancy magazines during my first pregnancy. American women, it seems, are expected to breastfeed and birth babies without any photos actually showing the process.]
jrk mommy- that is funny and sad at the same time. since i chose not to breastfeed, i didn't need to research information on it, but im very surprised to hear that you had trouble finding pictures about it- that's very sad.
ReplyDeletei know this sounds super cheesy, but why can't everyone just let people be? who cares? so u like boys, i dont, you're black, im not- who cares?? everyone can exist and be friends and love each other, and be respectful of what the other person does and believes! golly.
It is not cheesy. I feel the same way. Its just to simple and obvious to ever work.
Delete>Why is it that graphic slasher movies are main stream, but pornography is considered one of the most offensive things in society?
ReplyDeleteGiven this example, would you want to consider them equal? Meaning, graphic slasher movies would be AS restricted as pornography or that pornography be main stream as slasher movies?
Not sure. I just find it offensive that people have less of a problem watching someone being killed and tortured than watching to people have consensual sex.
DeleteThis post is not about regulation. Its about how violence is very accepted and acts ranging from marriage, holding hands, kissing, to sex are often seen as a lot more offensive to many.
Ok.
DeleteSo, here is where I think you are wrong :P. This is all depending on what sort of violence and what sort of displays of affection. Even the most conservative person wasn't "offended" by, lets say Titanic which had a topless scene and a casual love making scene. It also received a pg-13 rating. But if you would compare that with a movie that it's only point was to torture people for the sheer artistic nature of it, people WOULD find offense. And they do. Just think of video games. Violence in video games has not gone unnoticed and it was violence in video games that pushed for rating system (i.e. Mortal Kombat). Some video games have even been banned due to its outlandish violence.
I think you are being extreme that anyone finds holding hands and kissing offensive since even conservative minded people will watch silly movies with these in it. I think the jist of it may be that violence can be both bad and good. Violence is something that is more public than sexuality. We know nations go to war. We know we have police officers to protect against violence. There is violence to a smaller degree of course on the playgrounds. Violence can also be used to protect. So we are more aware of violence. Violence can be used to tell a story (think Schindler's List) in hope that good violence will prevail over evil violence. Sex on the other hand has always been understand as something more private and depending on what type of sex is shown, it starts cheapening what sex should be (i.e. Porn).
So just to sum up, I think you are being too black and white. Love is celebrated in things like romantic comedies and the sex is shunned when it is shown in something like Last Tango in Paris. VIolence is glorified in Lord of the Rings or Saving Private Ryan but shunned when it comes to Clockwork Orange.
You are wrong.
DeleteI am not just talking about movies. I am talking about in everyday life. I know people that are uncomfortable seeing a couple hold hands or someone resting their head on their partners shoulder, or something along those lines in public. You may not know such people. Maybe I just grew up among a more conservative crowd.
And might be celebrated but not in all forms. Yes, most people have no problem seeing Julia Roberts kiss Hugh Grant, but many would have a problem seeing Hugh Grant kiss another guy. Not only do they not want to see two males or two females kiss, they claim to be offended by the notion.
My point is not that people need to be OK with PDA. I really don't care if someone is or isn't. My issue is when someone claims to be offended by PDA, but is not offended by violence. I think such a person's priorities are a little out of whack.
Just my opinion. Feel free to disagree with me.
Im assuming, what you are really talking about is gay PDA, correct? Because really, in everyday life, general populace has no problem seeing a couple holding hands or showing some affection (as long as its kept to some standard of course)
DeleteNo. I am referring to all PDA. There are plenty of people that do not like to see couples acting "lovey dovey" in public.
DeleteAlthough you are right that bigots would have more of a problem with homosexual PDA than they would be heterosexual PDA.
Again, I think you are way over exaggerating. To be honest, I don't really like PDA's myself. Again, depending on what. I don't care if you are holding hands and some kissing. But if kissing turns into hardcore french kissing and he is inhaling her face, then ya, I don't particularly like that, but then again, who likes public displays of violence either?
DeleteIf you are comparing movies, then compare movies. If you are comparing PDA's then compare it to PDV (public displays of violence)
Again, I don't care what people think of PDA. You do not have to like it or hate it. And as much as you might deny it, there are many people that are offended by all forms of PDA. Its just a simple fact. I know many and am related to many.
DeleteMy point is, if someone is offended by PDA in any form, but is not offended by violence in any form, in my opinion their priorities are off.
Fair enough, but that's where I think you are conflating things. Yes, there are all sorts of people. But you have to compare public displays of affection to public displays of violence.
Delete